In coaching, the work begins long before the first deep conversation. It starts with an agreement: what we’re working on, how we’ll know it’s working, how often we’ll meet, what’s confidential, and — if an organization is sponsoring the coaching — how that relationship works.
The same agreement is then refreshed at the start of every single session: What do you want to leave with today? Why does that matter? How will we know we’ve got there?
It sounds procedural. It’s actually one of the most powerful habits a leader can borrow.
Why agreements matter
Without explicit agreements, people work from assumptions. Two leaders leave a meeting with different understandings of who owns the next step. A team believes a project is a priority; the executive sponsor sees it as an experiment. A new hire thinks they were hired to innovate; their manager wants stability.
None of these are failures of competence. They’re failures to agree.
Borrowing the coaching agreement for your team
Try opening your next important meeting with three questions:
- What do we want to have decided or created by the end of this meeting?
- Why does that matter now?
- What would tell us we’ve succeeded?
Then close with: What did we agree, who owns what, and by when?
It takes three minutes and saves hours of rework.
Agreements in relationships
The same principle applies to working relationships. When you start with a new direct report, a new boss, or a new peer, have an explicit conversation about how you’ll work together: how you like to communicate, how you’ll handle disagreement, what each of you needs to do your best work.
Revisit it every few months. Agreements aren’t contracts carved in stone. They’re living understandings — and like any relationship, they need tending.