I spent years in executive meetings where everyone was listening — for their opening. We heard enough to formulate a response and then waited for our turn. It’s a common way to listen, and it misses most of what’s being said.
Coaching training gave me a different model. It describes listening in three levels.
Level one: listening to yourself
At this level, you hear the other person’s words but you’re mostly tuned into your own reactions. That reminds me of… I disagree… I know what they should do. It’s natural, and it’s how most conversations go. The attention is on you.
Level two: listening to them
Here your focus shifts fully to the other person. You notice their words, their tone, their pauses, what they emphasize and what they skip. You’re curious rather than evaluative. Most people can feel the difference immediately — they feel heard.
Level three: listening to everything
At the third level, you take in the whole context: the energy in the room, what’s not being said, the emotion beneath the facts, the values and beliefs shaping the story. You notice that a leader talks about a reorganization in a flat voice but lights up when describing one team member. That’s information.
Why it matters for leaders
When leaders listen at levels two and three, a few things happen. People bring problems earlier. They tell you the real reason a project is late. They offer ideas they would otherwise have kept to themselves.
A practice for this week
In your next three conversations, notice when you drift to level one. You don’t need to judge it — just notice, and return your attention to the other person. Then, before you respond, reflect back what you heard: “It sounds like the timeline isn’t the real worry — it’s whether the team believes in the plan.” Watch what happens next.